What If i Do Not Want to Think? Then the first thing you should ask yourself is: is this really me or my conditioning talking? Why am I so resistant and upset by this, what am I so afraid of? Is it really me or my identity?
This resistance is caused by thinking through our identity, which feels exposed and threatened, and is our first belief system.
Would you really rather stay confused, suppressing everything and blinding yourself to all of the things that you do not like? To do such is an act of violence. If you are afraid to have been living and shaping your whole life according to lies and illusions, then is it really better to just continue living a lie, or to radically take responsibility for it and stop perpetuating such confusion and fear? Don’t you want to see what is really behind all of this? If you fear to lose your beliefs, your identity, then that is fear. Your beliefs exist because of your fear, but why does your fear exist?
“But who cares if I choose to live my life in illusions. I like my comfort zone, so what if I abuse myself, I am not hurting anyone else (with my beliefs)!”
This is simply not true. It is only through the petty illusion of identity that we separate ourselves from the others and reality itself in such a way. In ignoring such massively needed self-inquiry and observation you merely continue to feed fear and confusion thus perpetuating the psychological stasis and decay of humankind that has been going on for millennia. You merely throw it to the next generation to deal with, as has been done for so long all throughout history. You are feeding fear and confusion, inwardly and outwardly, unconsciously creating what you fight, and that’s violence!
It does not matter who it is toward or if it is physical or not. All violence starts inwardly towards ourselves, and it will always show up in our actions. Have you ever suppressed yourself for the sake of remaining within “normality” and whatsoever social structure of acceptance by others outwardly? And have you ever tried to discourage or suppress someone else, perhaps even become irritated, at someone who was acting outside of such accepted conceptualization of “normality”? That is violence as well as extreme pettiness, towards yourself and others!
To ignore your fear and confusion is an act of violence, not only against yourself but all of humankind and future generations. Look around at the mess of the world historically and today! Where are we now? The mess outside is merely a result of the mess in our minds!
You are not your confusion, but if you ignore it then your whole life will be ruled by it and you will always be a confused imitation. You will continue to feed your energy to confusion, and all of your actions will be a product of confusion, whether consciously or not. You will merely continue along as a generator of confusion, making it harder for others to free themselves.
You were not born with beliefs and fears, they are fragments with a beginning… can you see the end?
If there is no understanding inwardly, then there cannot be understanding outwardly. If the inner relationship is confused, then the outer one must be confused as well. You may want to run away and forget about this, but it will not solve your fear nor your confusion. Would you rather continue on the same path or take responsibility and change? You've already begun to realize things are not what you thought they were so how can you lie to yourself and run away? You will always be running, running to stand still, and never understanding.
But if you are willing to think about these things then you represent a possible future for humankind. By understanding and dismantling your own confusion you take an act of r-evolutionary intelligence, and throw a few seeds of freedom for the future.
“But what if I cannot understand this?”
Such a rhetorical question is nothing but another distraction aimed to escape the immensely needed investigation into your own confusion! If I say to you “no, you cannot” then you will simply give up and sink into apathy and hebetude once again, both of which are fear. And if I tell you “yes, you can do it!”, then you will ask “but how do you know?”. By asking such questions you avoid the self-observation and inquiry necessary to understand your mind and confusion! Stop looking to others as some kind of psycho-existential authorities so to give you an answer to cling to, which will merely petrify and decay your mind, and find out for yourself!
This stuff most likely will not be easy to understand, especially at first, but that should not stop you from trying. The fear to fail can only exist when we have some kind of idea or picture of what we are trying to achieve, to which we constantly compare to and identify in. But such an idea of freedom or understanding is merely a psychological picture, an intellectual fragment, and not the same as experiencing the actual thing!
by Peter Gebauer4/16/2014